The End (of the world)

Yesterday, Americans from coast to coast (but mostly between the coasts) and many from oversees finally had a chance to make their voices heard and show the world where the United States really stands. And with one resounding voice, their message was clear:

"We are ignorant, arrogant assholes and fiercely proud of it! Every other country can suck our fucking dicks! We want four more years of death and chaos in Iraq, grotesque violations of civil rights with our beloved Patriot Act, a struggling economy, tax breaks for the rich, and perhaps most importantly a consitutional amendment not only banning gay marriage but burning all faggots who even think about civil unions!!! We rock the fucking world! All you other countries can suck our motherfucking cocks! Jesus is Lord, and Jesus loves war and hates gays, jews, democrats, and other countries!!! Did we mention how y'all can suck our dicks? Because if you don't we'll bomb you into the stone age and MAKE you suck them, you motherfuckers!!!!! USA!!! USA!!! Four more years...no wait...Eight more years....but what the hell.....Bush Cheney FOREVER!!!!! Kill faggots!!! Suck our dicks!!!! We rule!!!!"

This is a quote from John Q. American that can be found in the latest issue of Colliar's. Also found in the same issue is a rare interview with the prince of darkness himself, Satan. Here's what he had to say:

"At last my time is drawing near! The four horsemen have been unleashed and at this very moment are on their way to bring more war, famine, disease, and pestilence to all the people of the world! My victory will be swift and merciless, and only Republicans shall be spared my wrath for they are my chosen people. But homosexuals, jews, muslims, and french people will especially suffer the torments of the damned, followed by democrats, atheists, other europeans, and pot-smoking college students. The stars will fall from the sky and the oceans will turn to blood! Armaggedon is upon you all! And I thought I would have to wait another 2,000 years for this! Thank you, America! I am extremely grateful for your ignorance and support, although you will all die horrible gruesome deaths very VERY shortly...........mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The editor-in-chief of Collier's is recommending that everyone find a painless way to kill themselves and their loved ones soon, in order to be spared the horror of the next four years.