Blög Is Back!!!

Well, I must say I was pleasantly surprised when I logged into the old Blogger website this time, expecting my last message to be the last message posted. But wait, there are 5 new ones!!! This is a good sign, people.

I spent this past weekend with my family in the Black Florest (not really, but close enough) and they fed me full of delicious home-cooked Wurst (sausage) and Schnitzel (??? something with pig ???), and let me at their never-ending supply of delicious, delicious German beer. And I have discovered the greatest beer ever made. (Craig, you'll love this) it's called "Das Schwarze" which for those of you who don't Hablo Germañolo means "The Black" and it's the blackest, darkest, most delicious beer ever made. And yes, it comes from the Black Forest. Das Schwarze. Know about it.

I also had a rather frustrating Kem night, when a bunch of ridiculously hot German bitches took Kem to a dance club but didn't talk to him at all. And Kem couldn't say anything to them because he doesn't speak German. When he actually tried to talk to them they would just laugh. Perhaps if everyone got drunk enough...but no, they weren't drinking. Lousy hot sexy German bitches.....whatever. They were too silly for Kem anyway.

And on the first night back at the dorm I was entering my kitchen to grab myself a beer when the guys who were already in there drinking told me to grab a beer and drink with them. I'd never been offered free beer by them before so I took advantage, grabbed one of their giant bottles of Bex (they actually DO drink that here) and sat and attempted to communicate with them. There were six of us guys and ONE fantastically hot German bitch. A Wurst-Party. They were shamelessly trying to pump her full of alcohol, but she retired early so they just pumped me full of alchohol, and I've been sick for the past two days. Never drink more than 9 giant german beers, people. Not a good idea.

You want to hear about Oktoberfest? Well, I couldn't tell you because I wasn't there. I have drank the Oktoberfestbier, which is delicious, Yastine. Fucking lecker (lecker = delicious). I was just at Herbstfest, which was almost equally cool but not as quite. We drank in the streets from clay mugs, surrounded by Rennassaince fair-type people. Jesters on stilts, stuff like that. Along with stands where people were forging real swords and doing all sorts of Lord-of-the-Rings type crafts. And we ate 1/2-meter Wurst, which beats the hell out of the foot-long hot-dog, let me tell you. So yeah, just a bunch of crazy drunken German rowdiness, only half the people there were American tourists, so what can you do?

You can never smoke too much weed, Luke, don't you know that? But you CAN drink too much fucking beer, as I've learned the hard way several times. It's just that after 6 or 7 of these monster-sized beers, you lose count. But I would trade a whole night of drinking for just one big, fat, juicy blunt. I'm fiending over here, people. And nobody seems too excited about going to Amsterdam. So fuck it. Why don't one of YOU come HERE and we'll go?

So yesterday I finally bought a TV and I've been watching The Simpsons in German which is fucking hilarious and lots of other crazy German things. They've also got CNN, and apparently there's an ELECTION going on in America, which I wasn't aware of!!! But it's British CNN so election news only takes up HALF the time. The rest is about how people are dying in the middle east. Did you hear about that little Palistinean girl who the Israeli soldier unloaded an entire round of ammo into even after she was dead? What the fuck is wrong with these Jews, man? I'm starting an anti-Jew group here in Germany. It's only a few days old, but it's already enourmously popular. Who would have thought?

Anyway, get well soon Craig. You all keep smoking or I'll have to come back and smoke FOR you. It's a PRIVILEGE (not a right) so take advantage of it while you can.

Das Schwarze. Know about it, bitches.