The #1 Magazine of All Time

Internet radio buffering is a poor substitute for the hours of commercials you get on regular radio. These internet radio stations just don't understand that people aren't interested in a wide, commercial-free variety of music. People can only handle one or two songs in a row before they start craving the sound of a booming, echoing voice shouting about the incredible one-time-only sale at the local car dealership. According to a pole conducted by Collier's magazine, 74% of radio listeners only tune in to help themselves decide how to spend their money. Also, a whopping 93% said that they preferred the advertising jingles to the actual songs. The number one song on Casey's Top-40 for thirteen weeks in a row has been the Safe-Auto song.

If you are interested in facts like this, I suggest you head down to your nearest newsstand and pick up the latest issue of Collier's, which despite the alligations of a few homosexual nerds, DOES exist. Just look below at the cover of the best-selling issue from 1938, containing Martha Ostenso's "The Dreamer" which was just recently auctioned on e-bay and sold for the highest amount ever paid for any piece of artwork, making it almost twice as valuable as the Mona Lisa.

Of course this now makes Collier's the wealthiest and therefore most powerful corporation in the business world. They just recently announced their plans to buy Microsoft. And it was just made official--Collier's has been named the #1 magazine OF ALL TIME in the Best-Magazines-Of-All-Time list in Collier's magazine. So you can all just go blog yourselves, bitches.

The Passion of the Blog

Have you seen this Blog yet? It's ridiculous. It's the most violent and disgusting Blog I've ever seen in my life. Now, I'm not a priest (at least I haven't been for several years ever since my wife died in a car accident and I lost my faith) so I don't know whether using graphic violence to encourage use of the Blog is justified, but I have to respect Mel Gibson for some courageous posts. They may be somewhat anti-semetic, but if you ask me those jews deserve it for what they did to the Blog. I just hope that someday we can all come together and realise that the only way to heaven is through posting on the Blog.

By the way, I'm trying to write a book involving dreams and restaurants. So if anyone knows anything interesting about either of these things, let me know and you may find your name in the acknowledgments when it gets published. I've already got a deal worked out with the publisher of Collier's magazine.

Speaking of which, I read in Collier's that most people who reference Collier's magazine in their Blogs aren't even sure what it is or how it is properly spelled. But one thing is for sure--it DOES exist. Collier's says it does.

Blog and Order

There's one thing everyone should know. I killed a womam when I was younger and blamed it on Laura Bush. She was nice enough to accept the blame and make up a story about self-defense, but to return the favour I had to rig the 2000 elections. I was responsible for all those hanging chads, I ran the remote which controlled Katherin Harris, and I bribed the U.S. Supreme court with crack. Justice Scalia sure loves the rock.

Anyway, now that I've got that off my chest, I should just point out how disgusted I am with all the blunt-smoking here at Autumn Lane. I read in Collier's magazine that if a person smokes 3 blunts a day for a year, their lungs will have enough resin to smoke up the entire audience at a Britney Spears concert. And it would be the best Britney Spears concert ever.

So I think it's obvious we all need to start smoking more blunts. Britney does MANY concerts and those 12-year-old girls aren't going to have such small tolerances forever. Who's with me?

I'll Blog Your Damn Blog

I read once in Collier's magazine that the top 3 signs of homosexuality are as follows: 1- Being attracted to members of the same sex, 2- Having more sex in a day than meals, 3- Posting messages on a Blog. So I guess I qualify for two out of three (and I am NOT attracted to members of the same sex.)

But we are all a little gay. Some people are just UBER-gay, like Licky Poo-Poo and your bruther Craaig. But holla' at the beer-funneling through the anus. I never thought it could be done, but you guys proved me wrong. I just downloaded the video. The quality is surprisingly good.

Some people say that when it comes to Blogging, you've either got something to say or you don't. But if you've got something to say, why the fuck don't you just say it instead of writing it down on some gay-ass blog?

Fuck those people. Autumn-Leezy Blog forever!!! We're here and we're queer, and if you can't get used to it...you can go blog yourself, bitch.